Amock Comedy Magazine 3
AMOCK: Can we come then to your blood-lust.
DRACULA: Blood-lust? I’m merely hungry. You don’t refer to yourself as having sandwich-lust.
AMOCK: But there seems to be a passion to your hunger.
DRACULA: And you’ve never said ‘I could kill for a BLT’?
AMOCK: Yes. Now, you’ve complained about the lack of opportunities for the modern vampire.
DRACULA: The world has changed and I suppose I must accept it. There was a day when we creatures of
the night were feared across the land, but no more. I fear our time is coming to an end.
AMOCK: Why do you think this is?
DRACULA: The younger generation have ruined us. The perfect meal for me is a young virgin, but they are
so few and far between these days. Their blood is easy on my digestion.
AMOCK: But there most be some.
DRACULA: Children! And I do not bite children. A nice, voluptuous 19 year old, bursting with life, a meal fit
for a king. But a virgin? Unlikely.
AMOCK: But blood is blood, what about a young man?
DRACULA: I am not a homo-vampire.
AMOCK: Are you honestly telling me that there are no longer any 19 year old virgins, voluptuous or
otherwise, available for you to feed on?
DRACULA: There may well be, but they drink or take drugs. One quick suck and I’m reeling. We vampires
don’t handle narcotics very well, we like our blood untainted.
AMOCK: And the biting on the neck.
DRACULA: Ah, that is a personal trademark. It marks out that this victim is already being fed on by one of
our kind, so we have to check thoroughly. I do necks, Bob does ankles and Ken likes the upper thigh.
AMOCK: What do you think is the future of vampirism?
DRACULA: It’s not with the Twilight shit, that’s for sure. But I see a great future in another who’s borrowed
from our tradition. Imagine being able to swoop around at night, pretending to be a crime fighter, but actually
biting people and drinking their blood. Batman is the future.