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Amock Comedy Magazine 2

NASA TO USE TRUCKS
NASA officials have confirmed that as the Space Shuttle
is now retired and they have no ready-made
replacement, they will be using a truck to ferry
astronauts to the International Space Station.
“It is an insult to the American nation that we have to
rely on Russians to take us into space,” said Project
Leader James T. Cork. “We may no longer have the
budgets that allow us to overspend on space
exploration, but we still have good old American
know-how. That’s what we’ve used to take an ordinary
truck and seal it up real good, strap it to a couple of solid
state rockets and shoot it into space. It has bunks and
a coffee machine and satellite-navigation because only
the best is good enough for our American pioneers.
The truck we’re using was originally designed to deliver
groceries to food malls so, by our estimation, the
carrying capacity means we could take 4,000 lbs of
bananas up to the Space Station.”
Critics have cast doubt if the cut-price solution to space
travel will work. “There’s no oxygen reclamation system
and the toilet facilities are primitive. It’s not as if
astronauts can pull over to use a rest room,” said Lily
Tinkle of the Dentists Against Space Travel Coalition.
Cork responded by saying that future astronauts would
go through intensive training allowing them to ‘hold it
in’.
HOLLYWOOD GOES FOR CROSS-OVERS
Hollywood chiefs have admitted that they will be
resorting to cross-overs of their most successful
franchises to kick-start the moribund movie industry.
First for the blender treatment is James Bond who will
be facing up to The Deathly Hallows. Also in the
pipeline is Rocky vs Jaws, Indiana Jones will enter the
Matrix, Star Trek will face up to the Alien and the
Terminator will be appearing in the next Scary Movie.
“The remake thing has screwed everybody,” claimed
producer, Hymie Goldstuff, “It’s left us with
screenwriters with
no imagination. I
haven’t seen an
exciting new script
for four years.
We’re going to
have to mix up the
franchises, the
genres, the stars,
everything, just to
survive.”
“These are all tried and tested products,” continued
Goldstuff, “but they appeal to a varied audience. We
have to try and convince them that their heroes can face
up to conflicts and antagonists from outside their normal
world.”
Also on the drawing board are scripts for a live action
version of Bambi, an animated version of Schindler’s
List and a heterosexual version of Brokeback Mountain.
Plans for a biopic of George W. Bush have been
shelved however, with producers claiming that no sane
cinema-goer would believe it.
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