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Amock Comedy Magazine 2

Cooking a meal for a woman is a marvellous way of
divesting her of her undergarments, writes master chef
and all-round ladies man, Randy Saucepan.
and 150 gms of spaghetti. Parmesan cheese to be
grated over dish.
First, prepare your balls. Finely dice one onion. Add to
the breadcrumbs and the ground beef along with the
egg. Mix thoroughly and form into balls.
In this article I will attempt to teach you how to prepare
a simple meal that guarantees results. The dish is
meatballs in a tomato sauce and spaghetti, so you
shouldn’t try this on a vegetarian lady. Vegetarians are
best left till you have mastered some kitchen skills and
can truly cater to their needs. In any case they are
frequently windy during congress and this can be
off-putting.
To make the sauce. Finely dice one of the onions and
the garlic and fry gently in a little olive oil. Once the
onions are golden add the tomatoes, the stock cube,
the oregano and salt and pepper. Mix and bring to a
simmer.
The first part of your strategy is to take your lady out for
an Italian meal. This might seem to fly in the face of the
master-plan I’m proposing
Add balls to sauce and cook for approximately ¾ hour.
but if you bear with
Cook spaghetti in boiling water according to packet
instructions. Try to make it al dente. This is Italian for
‘tough to chew’. If she
requires it to be
extra al dente, later
oral activities should
be avoided.
me you’ll understand my
method. In the restaurant
suggest that your
companion choose the
meatballs, but if she
refuses order them
yourself. Ensure that at
some point she has a
taste of your balls. When
the meal is finished do
make sure to ask how
she enjoyed it. Out of politeness, if nothing
else, she will say it was lovely. Now is your moment to
pounce. Tell her that, in your professional experience,
it was no more than adequate and you could do better
yourself. This will pique her curiosity and she will be
eager to visit you in your lair to taste a meal you have
prepared yourself.
You should
encourage her to drink
a few glasses of an
appropriate red wine to
accompany the dish
but don’t be pushy.
You’re not trying to get her drunk. Don’t
let her eat too much either as this will spoil the mood.
The quality of what you have prepared is totally
immaterial. It matters not a jot whether you can cook
well or not. The winning point is that you can cook at
all. In the female mind she sees an escape from the
kitchen, giving her opportunities to pursue other
womanly pursuits like watching TV and gossiping with
her friends. For this she will gladly give you her all and
perhaps a bit extra too if the meal was actually edible.
And so to the dish itself. For this you will require ½ kilo
of ground beef, ½ cup of fresh breadcrumbs, 2 small
onions, 1 egg, 2 cloves of garlic,1 tin of tomatoes, 1 beef
stock cube, 1 tsp of oregano, salt and pepper to taste
Bon appetit!
 
 
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