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Amock Comedy Magazine 2

WAKISTAN TO OPEN BORDERS
The tiny Central Asian Republic of Wakistan is to open
its borders to trade and tourism following years of
isolation as one of the world’s most secluded and
secretive countries.
explorer Marco Polo passed through Wakistan on his
way to China and is believed to be the first to record the
existence of the nation. He called the people ‘weird’
though he did not define what he meant by this. Their
first appearance on the international scene is when King
Maqub the Horny attempted to invade India and was
repulsed by a band of schoolgirls. This episode is not
included in official histories. Waves of invaders and
immigrants then swept across the region and Maqub’s
dynasty disappeared to be replaced by the royal house
of Tumshi which reigned for centuries until the last king
of Wakistan, Rafqui the Premature, lost the country in
a game of cards to the grandfather of the current
president.
To celebrate the country’s return to the global
community we present some facts about this ancient
nation and its inhabitants, who are known as Wakistanis
or the Waki.
Capital: Awfybad
Flag:
Area: Approx. 40,000 sq miles
Population: No official census has ever been conducted.
However estimates of approx. 10 million are probably
accurate.
During the second World War Wakistan declared itself
to be on the side of the Allies but as it had no armed
forces it limited its contribution to sending threatening
letters to the Axis powers. The chief threat was that
they would withhold exports of goose guano.
Head of State: President for Life (and then a little bit)
General Kalim Sharabi
Political System: Dictatorship
Current Situation: Though it is a dictatorship it is
essentially benign and threatens nobody. The Waki are
a simple people and generally happy with their lot
perhaps because there is no tax system. Their
treatment of women has often led to criticism, especially
as trading for basic goods often requires payment in a
wife and that daughters are frequently exported to
neighbouring states. The President has promised to
address these issues and only last year passed a law
allowing women to breathe on Tuesdays.
Currency: The domestic currency is The Wife. For
international trade the Waki use the Gonad. There are
9,000 Gonads to the USD.
Major Imports: Fish scales, Hessian underwear, Soap
powder, toilet rolls
Major Exports: Goose guano, women, rocks
Religion: The Religion of the Day is decided by
President Sharabi and announced in the only national
newspaper The Daily Newspaper.
Sports: The national sport of Wakistan is goat
wrestling. Efforts to have this included in the Olympics
have been unsuccessful so far.
History: The ethnic mix of Wakistan puzzles many
researchers as it includes DNA from Australian
Aborigines and Arctic Inuits. What is known is that the
AWFYBAD HIGH STREET DURING RUSH HOUR
 
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