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Amock Comedy Magazine 2

SEX SECRETS OF THE
ANCIENT AZTECS
NEW MONTY PYTHON
SKETCH FOUND
AN EXPOSE BY PROF. BILL TOSH
Rumours that a lost Monty python sketch has been
found are circulating round the BBC, leading to
speculation that the legendary comedy troupe may
reform to perform it. A spokesman however said that
though there may be a few rejected sketches in
existence there was no such thing as a ‘lost’ script.
The Ancient Aztecs didn’t have any sex secrets, I’m
afraid to say. I’ve looked and looked and they weren’t
a very naughty people at all. Of course it’s impossible
to say that there weren’t some who weren’t a bit
perverse on the odd occasion, but generally speaking
they were quite straight-laced.
“Sounds to me like they’ve dug up the one about the
dead parrot with the silly walk again. That resurfaces
from time to time, but we realised then that it wasn’t a
runner and we don’t see any reason why it should work
now. I mean, who’s going to believe in a dead parrot
with a silly walk?”
My wife, Claudia and I, on the other hand, do have sex
secrets, and I’d like to tell you about them. We like to
play hide-and-seek. Claudia goes and hides
somewhere in our lovely house and when I find her I
leap upon her and we have sex-fun.
We tried it the other way round once but it wasn’t very
successful. I went and hid in the bedroom cupboard
and a few hours later heard a man’s voice which
sounded like my cousin, George. Then there was the
sound of bedsprings creaking and a lot of moaning. My
curiosity was piqued, of course, but I was loathe to pop
out to check what was going on in case my wife found
me. The sounds recurred five times more before
Claudia discovered me three days later. She is a clod
and even though she leapt on me looking for sex-fun I
cast her aside because I was starving and went to the
kitchen for a sandwich. We haven’t tried it that way
round again.
Other sources have claimed that as Cleese and
company are now too old to perform the sketch they
would rather see it disappear again than have a younger
generation use their material.
“That is nonsense,”
argued John Cleese’s
spokesman, “Mr
Cleese is in top-top
condition and only last
week was
contemplating getting
divorced again so he
could give more money
to needy women.”
I think that’s a topping sex secret.
Note to Editor: Will that do?
I could do you a Sex
Secrets of the Ancient
Etruscans if you like. Or the
Babylonians. They were a
really kinky lot and I could
get 2,500 words out of them
no bother especially if you
let me include a few totally
unsubstantiated rumours.
Michael Palin’s agent
also denied the star’s
interest. “If there isn’t
a travel series in it Michael won’t consider it. He likes
to do a bit of lone exploring of the world’s best-known
spots, especially if there’s a camera crew around.
A spokesman for Eric Idle confirmed that Idle did not
believe in the existence of the lost script either but he
was still planning a musical stage play based on it.
Pic by Cåsbr
Pic by PalFest
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