Amock Comedy Magazine 2
SHARON: Hi, Julie baby.
JULIE: Shaz, you little witch, I haven’t heard from
you in ages. It must have been oh …
JULIE: Right! So, what’s happening?
SHARON: Nothing, just bored out of my tree filling in
shipping manifestos for Frobisher &
Crutch. Ball bearings is boring. Wish I had
an interesting job like you.
JULIE: Interesting? I work in a fish factory, Shaz.
SHARON: Well, fish is more interesting than ball
bearings. The only thing that varies with
ball bearings is the size. With fish you’ve
got all the different species, the cod, the
haddock, the great white shark.
JULIE: We don’t get much call for great white
SHARON: Yeah, but you could.
JULIE: I don’t deal with the actual fish, babes. I
work in the office and I do the same kind of
boring paperwork you do.
SHARON: Least your place don’t smell of oil.
JULIE: No, smells of fish. There’s times in here
you’d need a gas mask. Smells worse
than Colin Hamilton’s feet.
SHARON: How do you know what Colin Hamilton’s
feet smells like?
JULIE: The smelliness of his feet is Colin
Hamilton’s major claim to fame.
SHARON: I know that, but what you doing smelling
JULIE: I haven’t actually smelled them, I was just
going by his reputation.
SHARON: He could just be boasting about his feet to
make himself appear interesting.
JULIE: It’s not something I’d boast about, the
smelliness of me feet.
SHARON: Yeah, but you’re a girl. Smelly feet’s
probably a big macho thing with guys.
JULIE: Well, to be honest, it wasn’t Colin that told
me, it was his sister.
SHARON: Y’know what, Jules, everybody says all us
girls do is just gas, but I think we resolve a
lot of important issues during our
JULIE: Yeah, they should let us run the country.
We’d fix it up. Solve the unemployment for
SHARON: How’s that then?
JULIE: Well, emm, there’s lots of jobs people
could do what’s being done by machines
SHARON: Like what?
JULIE: Traffic lights! If we replaced traffic lights
with men waving flags we’d fix up a lot of
people with jobs. Four at every junction for
SHARON: Wouldn’t fancy that. Not the night shift,
specially, it’d be cold.
JULIE: Naah, no worries. It’d be a government
job, so they’d have to give you a fur coat.
Health & Safety, y’know, they’re duty-
bound to look after you and not put you in
the way of danger or getting chilly.
SHARON: Fur coat? That sounds all right. Where do I
CATCH UP WITH MORE OF SHARON AND JULIE’S PHONE CONVERSATIONS IN THE NEXT ISSUE.