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Amock Comedy Magazine 1

Professor Pete gives you indispensable
advice on all your problems.
Dear Ross,
It is your youth she is after; the ability to flaunt her
young lover in front of her friends. Cavorting with her
for a lengthy period will leave you as old and
bedraggled as her husband, when she will cast you
aside for a younger model.
Pete
MOVIES & PIZZA
Dear Pete,
How can I get Simone Perry to show me her boobies?
I took her to the movies and even bought her a pizza
but she still wouldn’t show me them. My buddy Mike
said all girls would show you their boobies if you took
them to the movies and bought them pizza. Do you
think I should have got more topping?
Cal, Phoenix
NOTCH
Dear Pete,
I would like to give myself to Bert Milverton, but not if
I’m only going to be another notch on his bedpost. Is
there any way to ensure this before I concede to his
demands?
Cathy, Malaga
Dear Cal,
Young men wishing to gaze upon the busties of young
ladies must learn patience. Several more applications
of movie and pizza may be required before a viewing
is permitted and even then it may be from a distance
and require a telescope, as young ladies are well
aware that young men are rarely satisfied with visual
gratification alone and may well attempt manual
stimulus.
Pete
Dear Cathy,
No absolute guarantees can be given regarding a
man’s intentions, save that he will divest you of your
garments given the smallest opportunity. I would
therefore recommend that you take out an insurance
policy to ensure that you are not merely being used by
Mr Milverton. I suggest you find a company which
specialises in covering naughty pastimes or,
depending on the circumstances of your encounter,
dangerous sports.
Pete
HAIR
Dear Professor Pete,
My girlfriend has beautiful, long, blonde hair but finds
taking care of it very wearisome. She keeps
threatening that one day she will have it all cut off and
I worry that she won’t be as attractive with short hair.
What can I do to stop her from cutting her hair?
Marty, Prague
FISH
Dear Professor,
I find myself incredibly attracted to our local librarian,
Lillian Cody, but every time I ask her out she merely
snorts and charges me late return fees. I should
ignore her and move on, on the principle that there
are many more fish in the seas but the fact is that the
seas in our area have been rather over-fished and the
stock is depleted. How can I get her to take me
seriously?
George, Luton
Dear Marty,
Man, that’s an easy one. Just encase her entire head
in concrete so that scissors cannot reach her tresses.
Pile her hair up on top of her head first and then
mould round in the shape of a helmet. When she is
sleeping would be a good time.
Pete
Dear George,
Tell her that the area is about to be re-stocked from a
fish farm and her chances of being caught in
anybody’s net are diminishing rapidly. If she gets
your drift she is likely to be on you like a great white
shark, so be prepared for bites. Alternatively, you
could always take up fishing.
Pete
YOUTH
Dear Prof,
I am having an affair with an older married woman,
which is a new venture for me. However she
complains that I am not as well built as her husband,
nor as accomplished a lover, which makes me wonder
as to why she is cavorting with me. I’ve tried to think
of an ulterior motive but can’t think of any. Can you
suggest anything?
Ross, Chicago
Write to Pete with your problems and
he’ll solve them for you.
 
 
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