Amock Comedy Magazine 1
HOW TO AVOID BEAUTIFUL WOMEN
The Indispensable Guide
As a handsome young devil it is inevitable that you will be pursued by stunning young
women who wish to be intimate with you. This can cause distress, especially for the
young chap who has other calls on his time other than getting sweaty in the arms of
a beguiling beauty. There are the attractions of tinkering with an automobile engine
or drinking beer and swapping uplifting tales with one’s chums in a bar.
So, how does the modern young man avoid the attentions of these sirens? The
answer is simplicity itself, he must find the elements of his personality and
physique which are attracting these hussies and remove them as soon as
For instance, he may begin by approaching the pneumatic young blonde,
Candy, and asking, “Hey, Candy, what is it about me that makes you drool?”
She may answer that it is his impressive six-pack, in which case he should
immediately start eating burgers and ice cream by the bucket-load and forego the programme of
sit-ups which he has been pursuing.
Alternatively, he may find that the long-legged redhead, Tania, admires him for his sparkling wit and repartee.
He must counter this by telling the joke about the nuns riding their bicycle down the cobbled street and getting
the punch-line wrong!
Something along the lines of, ‘Because the chain came off’ should be sufficient to prove that you are an idiot
and not worthy of attention.
It must be admitted that this remedy will take time to become effective. Your six-pack will not disappear
overnight and Tania might well believe that you were just having an off-day with your gag. However, with
perseverance, you can soon turn yourself into a fat, boring, slob, who will not be bothered by lovely young
ladies who wish to share their bodily warmth with you. And that, surely, is a sacrifice worth making.