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Amock Comedy Magazine 1

HOW TO DEAL WITH BEING INCREDIBLY HANDSOME
“Many ladies have asked me to have a look at their
socket up in their bedroom,” says electrician, Reg
Gorgeous. It is the price he has to pay for being
extremely good-looking, but it’s not something he takes
advantage of. “I’m happily married,” he explained, “So
I normally send Young Horace, my apprentice, up to
deal with their needs. As an electrician
I’m very aware of the dangers of getting
ones wires crossed, so I have to be
careful.”
understand what women wanted from me. If I’d kissed
every girl who asked me for one at school I wouldn’t
have any lips left. So, I started wearing hats and false
beards and suchlike to try and escape their attentions.
But women have a special instinct which kicks in when
there’s a handsome man around. I’d be walking down
the street in my fedora and false beard,
looking like any other Joe, and the cry
would go up, ‘There’s Reg Gorgeous!’
And before I knew it there would be a
pack of them trailing after me a
whooping and a hollering. Lucky I was
in the sprint team or they’d have torn
me to shreds.”
Men such as Reg face a daily assault
from women eager to be with them, just
because they happen to be handsome
and according to Reg, good looks are a
mixed blessing. “My good looks got me
my wonderful wife, Noleen,” he
elaborated, “but they also cause me
problems as I am constantly pursued by
women. Age doesn’t come into it, as they can vary from
their teens right up to their seventies. And whether
they’re married or in a relationship doesn’t matter either.
The minute they see my handsome visage they’re
smitten. I saw one woman in the mall last week who
shoved her partner through a plate glass window the
minute she spotted me. Trying to pretend she was
single, y’see.
Reg went on to explain that good looks
don’t exactly run in his family. “My
cousin, Bert, is a hunch-back and my
brother Tony has a squint, so I guess
I just got lucky when the genetic cards were dealt. I
wasn’t always so handsome and had a lot of spots as
a kid but I grew out of it and now I’m reckoned to be one
of the handsomest men in the western hemisphere.”
But Reg’s troubles don’t end with over-amorous women
because gay men find him just as attractive. “I can’t
walk down the street without them wolf-whistling at me.
The gay community has become more visible as more
and more of them come out of the closet. Traffic cops
are the worst. They’ll pull me over fro speeding and
then suggest I do them a ‘favour’ to avoid the ticket. It’s
disgusting. No, being handsome isn’t any cakewalk.
You’ve got to be constantly on your guard, trying to
ensure that people want to know you for who you really
are and not just because you’re a pretty face.”
Reg accepts that wife, Noleen, has just as much trouble
dealing with other women as he does. “She’s not really
the jealous type,” he said, “but what’s she meant to do
when women are mailing their underwear to me or
sending me photographs of their naughty bits. It upsets
her because their naughty bits are often far superior to
Noleen’s and she fears she could lose me to some
wanton hussy, even though I’ve told her that other
women don’t interest me. I’m a one -woman man.”
OUR LEGAL DEPARTMENT HAS ADVISED US
THAT PUBLISHING A PICTURE OF REG MIGHT
LEAD TO CLAIMS AGAINST US FOR DAMAGED
MONITOR SCREENS AS READERS RUSHED TO
KISS HIS IMAGE. THE PHOTOGRAPH
ACCOMPANYING THIS ARTICLE IS, THEREFORE,
NOT OF REG, BUT OF YOUNG HORACE.
Reg admits, however, that when he was younger he
would often adopt bizarre strategies to avoid female
attention. “Puberty was real bad because I didn’t
 
 
 
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