Amock Comedy Magazine 1
BEE FARTS FOR GOOD SKIN
bees produce such health giving products as honey and
royal jelly it was quite possible that their farts too would
have medicinal qualities. It was a hell of a job collecting
the farts and just as difficult to get my wife to apply them
to her face, but the effects
were almost immediate. She
now has the skin of a sixteen
year old and is keen to rub bee
farts on her bottom. I am now
trying to teach my bees to fart on
command so I can go into
commercial production. It will be
an expensive product because bees don't fart much. "
"I started off with the question of
whether bees fart at all," he said at
the launch of the report, "and soon
realised that, like every other
animal, they had a digestive
system, and where you have a digestive
system, you have farting. I then conjectured that as
LESBIANS HOLD KISS-IN
Lismore, "male or female."
A Metropolitan Police spokeswoman said they did not
expect any trouble, but that if any erupted they had a
crack squad of policewomen on standby to deal with
any problems. Police leave has been cancelled.
The League of Interracial Lesbians (LIL) is to hold a
kiss-in this Saturday in London's Trafalgar Square.
Their aim is to highlight the high level of discrimination
that they feel interracial lesbians suffer.
"We are totally ignored," said co-president and Avon
lady, Juicy Lismore. "Of the millions of porn sites on
the internet, only a few specialise in interracial
lesbianism, which is becoming increasingly popular.
Government action is needed. There should be funding
to promote interracial lesbians."
The Lick-In will consist of members of LIL kissing
members of the general public in an effort to focus
people's thoughts on the problem.
"We will not kiss men, we are lesbians," added Calista
Hunnycutt, Lismore's partner, co-president and a truck
driver. "Not even transvestites or ladyboys will get a
kiss. We have very strict rules. Bisexuals and the
bi-curious will also not be kissed. Those coming along
to be kissed by a practising lesbian should ensure that
they are clean and are wearing attractive underwear.
It would also be nice if
they were pretty"
Convicted peeping-tom, Reg Ogler (72), has been
released from prison after a forty year term. His
extended sentence was due to his habitual re-offending
in spying on fellow prisoners and prison warders in
bathrooms and showers.
"I have very catholic tastes, I'll peep on anybody," Ogler,
from Wolverhampton, said.
Ogler's career as a peeper started when he was seven
years old and started spying on his teachers.
"It was Miss Lovesit, she's the one that set me off. Saw
her on the loo. Bum and everything. Then it was my
family. My sisters and aunties mostly. Saw the local
vicar and his missus at it. And Mr Jones, the
greengrocer, he had a whopper. Mrs Stiles at number
forty two, stunning pair. Young Kathy Lemon, just when
she was filling out, lovely."
Ogler plans to celebrate his release by going on a
A Scientist has discovered that bee farts can be good
for your skin, a recent report states. The report,
commissioned by the National Gullible Institute, is the
work of Prof. Ralph Dubious who is
himself, a beekeeper.