Amock Comedy Magazine 1
MAN TO SUE VIRGIN ISLES
British tourist Bert Symes is to sue the government of the Virgin Isles under the Trades Descriptions Act
because he claims he could not find any virgins on a recent visit.
"It's a bloody liberty," said Bert, "They advertises theirselves as the Virgin Isles an' it's only natural that a man
would expect there to be a whole flock of 'em, but I couldn't find any to save myself. I went to the main island,
Tortola and the capital, Road Town, an' there wasn't a single one. It's diabolical."
Bert paid £2,000 for his three week visit, a sum he hopes to
"There beaches is nice, I'll give 'em at," added Bert, "an' the
weather's nice, but it's all wasted when there ain't no' virgins.
That's the only reason I went, cos I knew there weren't no virgins in
Bradford where I stay. The last one lost hers three years ago, God
bless her, held on to it till she was sixteen, a church-going girl."
"This man is silly," said a spokesman for the Virgin Island Tourist
Board, "Does he expect to find turkeys in Turkey?"
"Course I do," admitted a baffled Bert.
KLAN APPOINT NEW LEADER
their women being seduced
by potent black men. But I
want them to face their fears
by encouraging their wives to
take black lovers and thus
explode the myth of black
Bubba, surprisingly, was in
complete agreement. "Mah
wife, Tallulahbelle, is really
looking forward to it. She
even bought hersel' a new
Another initiative Melody
plans is in remodelling the
traditional Klan robes. "Those
white night gowns did nobody
any favours," she insisted.
"I'm sure that Klansmen have very nice bodies and a
more tailored cut in pastel shades will be much more
The Ku Klux Klan has
appointed its first black Grand
Wizard in recognition of the
election of Barrack Obama as
president of the United States.
"We reckoned it wus time," said
Bubba Smith of Alabama,
"seeing as how it was the
twenty first century 'n'all. We
not only appointed a black
person, but a woman as well.
Hell, we thought we might as
well go the whole hawg."
The new Grand Wizard of the
overtly racist organisation is
Melody Mobutu who intends to
move swiftly to re-invent the
image of these rednecks.
"The Klan's insecurities lie with
the fear of the black man's sexuality," Melody said.
"It's perfectly obvious that white men are scared of