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Amock Comedy Compendium

saluted his generosity.
of it now and again.”
“Is it true you have a certificate in the oral
“I think she has her jeans stapled to her, to
sex?” Fergus asked his comrade finally.
have them adhere so well to her figure.”
“I did have,” Sandy lamented, “but it has
“Her behind is a work of art and should be in a
lapsed and I will need to be sitting another
gallery.”
examination to get a new one. There are new
“Maybe we should be constructing one, here on
techniques coming along on a daily basis and a
Uraigh. The Uraigh Gallery of Female Bums?”
man has to keep his wits about him or he will
Sandy shook his head sadly. “They would be
be left behind.”
saying we were discriminating against the male
“The wife’s not complaining, is she?” Fergus
arse and would take us to court.”
asked sympathetically.
Fergus’s enthusiasm subsided. “It was only a
“Not at all, for she has a happy nature, does
thought.”
my Bella. Satisfied with only the twelve
They looked up as the big American swallowed
orgasms a night, she is, and her once the love
the last of his brandy, hopped from his barstool
slave of an African prince.”
and headed towards the bowels of the hotel
“Ah, happy days,” Fergus smiled. “Man, I
and his room.
recall the days when we were young swingers
Sandy cleared his throat noisily. “I’m fair
and I would be eating smoked haggis from
looking forward to the strip karaoke next
Bella’s bellybutton while you serviced my
week,” he said over-loudly.
Gladys.”
Once the visitor had left the two old islanders
A smile flitted across Sandy’s face. “Aye, I
wrapped themselves in coats and scarves and
have many fond memories of your Gladys’s
made their way to the door.
buttocks. Still as firm as ever?”
“We’ll get our hands on those sex tourism
Fergus grinned proudly. “I’ll tell you, Sandy,
dollars yet,” Fergus said to his old crony as the
her buttocks may have grown with the passing
founder members of the Uraigh Tourist Board
of the years but all it means is that these days
headed off into the night and their solitary
instead of cracking walnuts between her
beds.
cheeks, she can now tackle coconuts.”
“And I’ll bet there’s not a woman on the
mainland can manage that,” his crony
acknowledged, “They may talk of their Glasgow
and their Perth but when it comes to buttocks,
Uraigh cannot be surpassed.”
“And there is a new generation coming on as
we speak. Yon young Marie that works at the
baker’s. Lovely behind.”
Sandy clutched at his heart. “Jeeze, Fergus,
don’t mention Marie’s behind. It is costing me
a fortune in doughnuts, just to catch a glimpse
 
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