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Amock Comedy Compendium

Left-handed blondes frequently marry men
called Kevin.
The Latvian army can march backwards.
Extracted from The Complete Book of Lies by
Professor Ed Spurious.
Hanging with a bungee cord was rejected as a
method of execution by the New Zealand
Supreme Court.
The password to enter the Pentagon on the 4th
of July 1982 was Enema.
Sarah Palin once tried to shoot a moose with a
lipstick.
Because of the weight of its population the US
sinks into the Earth’s crust by 3 mm every
year.
Horace Pendlebury patented the underwater
hovercraft in 1932.
The French National Anthem cannot be played
backwards.
The favourite name for dogs in New Zealand is
Nancy.
Coating a horse in chocolate is a capital offence
in Tasmania.
Franciscan monks have a very poor sense of
balance.
Being flatulent is a great help in hang-gliding.
Robin Hood was the hide-and-seek champion
of Sherwood Forest for three years running.
Belgian prostitute Brenda Dulay’s mobile sex
service, Feels On Wheels has won a new
business initiative award.
The best selling national newspaper in Uganda
is called the Daily Newspaper.
Leopards have no taste buds.
One of the bodies of the Roswell aliens was
eaten by a local who thought it was road-kill.
Sylvester Stallone likes to bake cakes,
especially sponges.
Transvestites can travel for free on public
transport in Adelaide, Australia.
Dudley Moore went on a 10 year bender to
prepare for the role of Arthur.
Humphrey Bogart collected boomerangs.
Josef Stalin could fart and burp at the same
time.
Ukrainian men are required by law to grow a
moustache at some point in their life.
Margaret Thatcher had her ‘feminine side’
surgically removed.
Hangovers can be cured with torture.
Many circus bearded ladies are lesbians.
George W. Bush was a chess grand master.
Jack the Ripper is a registered trademark.
Eating too much toast can give you malaria.
If you wash your car more than once a week it
will shrink.
Gillette will launch the 10 blade razor this year.
Norwegian dentists are exempt from military
service if they have had acne.
The miracle of the moving cheese of San
Fredo, has been proved to be a fraud following
the discovery nearby of a nest of particularly
muscular mice.
Men with moustaches often call their sons Eric.
February is the unluckiest month for
redecorating your home.
The Japanese have admitted that kamikaze
does not mean ‘divine wind’ as they have been
claiming since WWII. It actually means ‘stupid
bastard’.
The Kama Sutra is available in cartoon form in
parts of India where literacy levels are low.
Oliver Reed once bench pressed Orson Welles.
Eating over a pound of bacon per day can give
you super strength.
Oil well fires can be put out with ice cream.
Chimpanzees do not like the smell of old
books.
 
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