Amock Comedy Compendium
CONFESSIONS OF A MILF
litter bearer at the battle of Royston Moor. I do the
laundry on Thursdays and do grocery shopping twice
a week, usually Sundays and Wednesdays. Young
Alan is really into social networking and has friends all
over the world through Facebook. Katrin is just a
little sweetheart and very much a Daddy’s girl. She
hasn’t really developed an individual personality yet
but I guess that will come once she gets to school.
She attends a pre-school nursery and is slowly
becoming more independent.
Last week she
said she wanted
to be a teacher
when she grew up.
Hi, my name's Joanne Bailey, and I'm what's
commonly regarded as a MILF. For those who don't
know, a MILF is a Mother I'd Like to ..uh.. do naughty
things to, as popularised in the American Pie movies.
Basically it implies that I am a more mature woman,
who younger men have sexual fantasies about.
So here are my confessions. I am
married to Bill, who's a house painter and
we have two kids, Alan (7) and Katrin
(4). I'm thirty years old and I've been
married to Bill for nine years. I have a
part-time job as a check-out operator
at our local supermarket, and work
three afternoons per week there.
Bill goes out for a drink with his
workmates on a Friday night and
we go out together on a
Saturday night. My mother
babysits and we usually go to
a movie or for a meal. I like
Johnny Depp but Bill prefers
action movies, so we
usually take turn about
when it gets to choosing
what to watch.
I'm on a low carb.
diet at the moment
(have been for over a
year) because I put on
a few pounds after the
kids and my behind is
beginning to sag. I’ve also
put on four inches on my
hips. Bill says he doesn’t
mind but I don’t believe him.
Cooking is another hobby and
I like to collect cookbooks. My
favourite style is Italian and I am
learning how to make my own
pasta. Bill bought me a machine last year
and though I still haven’t mastered it totally, I’m
We watch quite a lot of television,
and I especially enjoy medical dramas. Bill
collects model fire engines and I am taking evening
classes in pottery. So far I've made an ashtray,
though neither of us smoke. I gave it to my father in
law. I also embroider cushion covers and give them to
my friends as gifts at Christmas. They’re probably
sick of the sight of them.
For holidays we usually go to Spain or Greece,
though I’d like to take the kids to Disneyland in Forida
I also enjoy reading and find John Grisham's work
very interesting. Bill likes investigating his family
history on the internet. One of his ancestors was a
So, those are my MILFY confessions. I hope they
turned on all you young guys.
Amock: Comedy Compendium/Page 57