Amock Comedy Compendium
AM-DRAM GROUP ARE MAGNIFICENT
The Upper Wobbly Amateur Drama Society of Leicestershire in England are planning a stage version of movie
The Magnificent Seven for their debut production this autumn.
"It will be based on the Sturges movie and not the Kurosawa version," said director, Nobby Carter, who will also
play Vin, the part played by Steve McQueen in the epic western.
"I will be Chris, the Yul Brynner part," added Sally, Nobby's wife, "and I will be shaving my head to get into
character. Vicky will be Britt, as she's so good with kitchen knives and Joe will
take the Robert Vaughn part as he's such a depressing shit."
"We're all western fans," continued Nobby, "and were fairly determined to bring
a classic western to the stage for the Upper Wobbly audience. We considered
The Alamo and Gunfight at the OK Corral, and Lou even suggested Blazing
Saddles, but Betty refused to do the flatulence scene which I, as the director,
thought was essential to the basic character development within the plot arc.
The only change we have made is that, instead of helping out poor Mexican
villagers, our Magnificent Seven will be helping out a group of Leicester
chiropodists who are being threatened by a gang of accountants. However,
neither the chiropodists or accountants actually appear in the piece." "
"In the end run it came down to the fact that Melvin had the soundtrack album,"
"That and the fact we have seven actors," concluded director Nobby.
CODES IN TARTAN
Pic by tienvijftien
Researchers at Strathclyde University in Glasgow, Scotland, claim to have
discovered the secret behind tartan or plaid, as it is known in the U.S.
"Tartan contains a hidden code," explained Dr Noddy Chancer, "It literally
speaks to us. Early tartans, identified with the regions of Scotland where
they were manufactured, rather than individual clans, but they all told of
the origins of the celtic peoples in the middle of the Euro-Asian landmass
and their migration to the western fringes of Europe. All tartans are
actually a history book in cloth. This was the reason why the wearing of
tartan was banned by the English in 1746, they were trying to extinguish
The research team at the University have not yet decoded all of the 7,000
currently recognised tartans but are making good progress.
"The thing is," added Chancer, "that newer tartans have been designed
without any knowledge of the code they represent and they therefore read
as utter gibberish or as something very rude. The official tartan of
Microapple Computers, designed last year, for instance reads 'I would
rather dance with a clergyman than go trout fishing.' I can't believe that the
designer actually meant to say that, though graphic designers are often
very sad and lonely people."