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Amock Comedy Compendium

Adolescents are not permitted to eat peanuts
in Taiwan unless offered by their siblings.
Strip poker is regarded as a contact sport in
New Zealand.
No-one knows the way to Amarillo.
Extracted from The Complete Book of Lies by
Professor Ed Spurious.
Only members in good standing of the official
Communist Party in N. Korea are permitted to
do the lambada.
The national currency of Nepal is called
the Cheese. There are 48.3 Cheeses to
the US Dollar.
Internationally, women are more attracted to
men called Hector than any other name.
Bisexuals cannot become priests in
Kazakhstan unless they own a vertical
take-off aircraft.
Nose hair is regarded as a sign of insanity in
Denmark.
Muhammad Ali once punched a hole in the
Great Wall of China.
The indigenous Indians of Quexalcoatl regard
Neil Diamond as a deity.
Men called Terrence cannot be killed with a
John Wayne was allergic to sailors.
silver bullet.
Robin Hood couldn’t dance.
The tortoise is, pound for pound, the
strongest creature on Earth.
The Kodiak bear farts continuously.
Evadne Bellethwaite was the only ballet dancer
ever convicted of shoplifting in the 1960s.
The Lethbridge Wife Swapping Society
closed when a library opened in the
village.
The last man on Earth will be called Bob.
Being forced to watch Friends for more
than three hours is regarded as ‘cruel and
unusual punishment’ under the terms of
the Geneva Convention.
Red-haired men play tennis better than blonde-
haired men if they are left-handed.
Soldiers who win a battle-field honour while
serving in the Latvian armed forces are
awarded a free daily sardine sandwich.
A wife who catches her husband ‘in
flagrante’ with another woman in Inner
Mongolia is permitted to shout loudly.
Wearing headphones for more than 7 hours a
day can cause bunions.
The supreme Greek god, Zeus, wore
spectacles.
The Dalai Lama likes to jive.
The ancient Romans were scared of
bumblebees.
Elvis Presley couldn’t whistle.
The wages of sin in Upper Volta are half a
dozen eggs.
Penguins can be taught to do algebra.
Ecuador is the only country in the world where
graphic designers are venerated as gods.
Paddling above the ankle bone is
forbidden to grandmothers in Lower
Silesia unless one of their children is in
banking.
Scottish inventor Horace Brown invented the
time machine next week last Thursday.
Registered witches are exempt from
military service in Bhutan.
Though the ancient Egyptians invented papyrus
and used it as paper, their failure to invent
cardboard seriously hampered their mail order
business opportunities.
Spanish women cannot make cheesecake.
Hercule Poirot was once Belgian light
middle weight boxing champion for three
minutes.
Lying is tax-deductible.
MORE LIES LATER
 
 
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