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Amock Comedy Compendium

"Oh, you don't know me yet, Jimbo. But tonight you're going to get to know me very well."
And with that she leant against the wall, unbuttoned her coat and let it fall away from her, while lifting her skirts
to display a shapely pair of legs.
"You strumpet!" I cried. I edged a few steps away, then turned and began to run. But my retreat did not
proceed as I had planned. A leg snaked out and caught my ankle, sending me sprawling to the ground. In a
moment I was under my assailant and fighting for my dignity as long, slim but extremely strong hands probed
at my clothing.
I tried to fight back but my attacker was too strong and at that moment I knew that this was no normal woman,
it could only be Holmes and this was no jest. He did indeed want me to give him a good seeing to! Like a
man drowning my mind flashed to the past. Of Holmes's indifference to women and other telltale signs that I
had ignored, or put down to the detective's unique character.
Suddenly, I saw my chance, my attacker had divested me of my trousers and was engrossed in investigating
my underpants. I let fly with a right hook and was heartened to see the beast collapse in a heap at my side.
As I collected myself and rearranged my clothing I heard an imperious voice.
"What on Earth are you doing, Watson?"
I looked up to see Holmes standing above me in the guise of a west end dandy.
"Holmes? But? But?" I stammered and pointed to the comatose form beside me.
"Ah, you seem to have knocked her out. A lucky shot, I'd guess, for she has an iron jaw. I recognised her
perfume instantly from your letter. Watson, let me introduce my sister, Shirley Holmes."
IT IS SAID THAT MANY PEOPLE DIE
FROM ALCOHOL.
BUT CONSIDER ALSO, HOW MANY
ARE BORN BECAUSE OF IT.
 
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