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Amock Comedy Compendium

First, look like this.
Then, change to this.
Now, convert to this.
Finally, become this.
Professor Pete gives you indispensable advice on all
your problems.
Dear Colin,
Dear Pete,
I wouldn’t call this a folk tale, more an urban myth as it
did not become current till the 1950s when dentists
formed their professional organisations tasked with
promoting their sadistic trade. Extensive research has
proven that telling lies does not make your teeth fall out,
though your hair is liable to start disappearing if you tell
too many whoppers.
My friend has told me that scrambled eggs can be
dangerous if eaten to excess. This worries me as they
are a favourite of my husband. Is there any truth in this?
Betty Pitman, Birnley
Dear Betty,
To my knowledge no-one has ever been harmed
through eating scrambled eggs apart from Terry
Bogger who tripped over a bowl and struck his head
against a bread knife. Even then he only suffered
slight cuts and lived a full and productive life.
Scrambled eggs were even regarded as having
medicinal properties by the ancient Incas though
some historians have suggested this was due to
intensive lobbying by their Egg Marketing Board. I
wouldn’t recommend eating them all day, or indeed
every day, but the odd egg scrambled on toast can
do no harm of a morning.
Professor Pete
Dear Prof,
I am aged 9 and have a girlfriend. I have kissed her 6
times. How many times can I kiss her before I have to
marry her? I like kissing her but don’t think I’m ready
for marriage yet.
Bill, Sunderland
Dear Bill,
You’re a brave little chap, admitting you have a girlfriend
and even that you kiss her. According to the laws of
England you can kiss her 18 times before you have to
propose, but she has the right to refuse, especially if
you’re rubbish at it. After 32 all bets are off.
Professor Pete
Dear Professor,
Is there any truth in the folk tale that telling lies will
make your teeth fall out?
Professor Pete
Colin, Kansas
 
 
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