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Amock Comedy Compendium

and have it lying in an offshore account where
If you wash your car more than once a week it
will shrink.
I cannot access it directly. It must go through
a third party and I am willing to give you $10
The miracle of the moving cheese of San
Fredo, has been proved to be a fraud following
the discovery nearby of a nest of particularly
muscular mice.
billion if you will launder this immense amount
for me. Imagine, with this amount you could
buy your wife, Denise, a new kitchen gadget
The Japanese have admitted that kamikaze
does not mean ‘divine wind’ as they have been
claiming since WWII. It actually means ‘stupid
bastard’.
such as an atomic blender, bribe your son,
Tom, through college, and get your daughter,
Cindy, a healthy young pop star of her very
Oliver Reed once bench pressed Orson Welles.
own. Such an offer is not to be sniffled at.
Oil well fires can be put out with ice cream.
Left-handed blondes frequently marry men
called Kevin.
The Latvian army can march backwards.
Hanging with a bungee cord was rejected as a
method of execution by the New Zealand
Supreme Court.
Extracted from The Complete Book of Lies by
Professor Ed Spurious.
Sarah Palin once tried to shoot a moose with a
lipstick.
The password to enter the Pentagon on the 4th
of July 1982 was Enema.
Horace Pendlebury patented the underwater
hovercraft in 1932.
Because of the weight of its population the US
sinks into the Earth’s crust by 3 mm every
year.
The French National Anthem cannot be played
backwards.
The favourite name for dogs in New Zealand is
Nancy.
Coating a horse in chocolate is a capital offence
in Tasmania.
Franciscan monks have a very poor sense of
balance.
Being flatulent is a great help in hang-gliding.
Belgian prostitute Brenda Dulay’s mobile sex
service, Feels On Wheels has won a new
business initiative award.
Robin Hood was the hide-and-seek champion
of Sherwood Forest for three years running.
The best selling national newspaper in Uganda
is called the Daily Newspaper.
Leopards have no taste buds.
Sylvester Stallone likes to bake cakes,
especially sponges.
One of the bodies of the Roswell aliens was
eaten by a local who thought it was road-kill.
Dudley Moore went on a 10 year bender to
prepare for the role of Arthur.
Transvestites can travel for free on public
transport in Adelaide, Australia.
Josef Stalin could fart and burp at the same
time.
Humphrey Bogart collected boomerangs.
Ukrainian men are required by law to grow a
moustache at some point in their life.
Margaret Thatcher had her ‘feminine side’
surgically removed.
Hangovers can be cured with torture.
George W. Bush was a chess grand master.
Many circus bearded ladies are lesbians.
Eating too much toast can give you malaria.
Jack the Ripper is a registered trademark.
Gillette will launch the 10 blade razor this year.
 
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