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Amock Comedy Compendium

WOMAN TO HAVE ALIEN BABY
Mrs Olivia Benson is due to give birth to a baby thought
to be of alien origin, as she claims to have been made
pregnant by a visitor from Alpha Centauri called Bob.
Despite his Terran-sounding name, Mrs Benson
insists that he was an alien.
weren’t her fault. Those aliens has powers no human
being can resist.”
The Bensons plan to call the child Spock, no matter
what sex it is, or even if it has no gender
at all.
“He had two heads, that’s what made me
suspicious,” she explained in her southern
Arizona home last night. “And he smelled of
gasoline too. I never met a human guy had
two heads and smelled of gasoline. I only
went to the bar that night because I had an
argument with my husband, and this alien
used his mind-control techniques to talk me into
going round the back alley with him. That’s where he
had his flying saucer parked, though it was disguised
as a pick-up truck.”
“He is my child and he will be loved,”
insisted the mother-to-be. Bert and I
couldn’t have kids because of his
accident, so in a way this is a God-send.”
Doubts were, however, cast on Mrs
Benson’s version of events. “Olivia was
drunker than a duke in a distillery that night,”
said bar owner Harry Potts. “And the only other person
in the bar was Bob Peterson. He works in a gas station
and he drives a pick-up. Oh, and I asked him to take
his brother’s motorcycle helmet over to his place cause
he left it here the previous night.”
Mrs Benson is due to give birth to the human-alien
hybrid child in four weeks and the imminent arrival has
sparked intense media interest.
“That’s horse manure,” responded Bert, “Bob Peterson
aint got no mind control powers, and that’s the only way
anyone could get round my loving and faithful wife.”
“We got a comic book deal and the movie rights are up
for grabs,” said Mr Bert Benson who runs a toaster
repair franchise. “Of course I’m standing by her. It
Mr Peterson was not available for comment.
GERMAN ENTRY FOR 1939 TOUR DE FRANCE
 
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