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Amock Comedy Compendium

SPORT
JUMPJET TO TAKE UP SOCCER
Basketball legend, Jerome J Jumpjet, is giving up the court and taking to the soccer
pitch.
“It must be easier,” he claimed, “There’s no hoop, just a huge big net that nobody could
miss. My stats will go way up.”
Jumpjet accepts that his handling skills won’t be brought into play and has been putting
his feet through special training sessions to bring them up to the mark, but he still
hopes he can bring his height into play. “I seen those soccer players jump and it seems they
can only score by hitting the ball into the net with their head. I know it sounds crazy but I think
I can do it. I’ve been jumping up and heading lamp posts by way of practice.”
Though unsigned Jumpjet hopes to start his soccer career in Brazil, though he denies that the
female Brazilian fans he saw on TV at the last World Cup had anything to do with his decision.
“That would be shallow,” he added, “and I am not shallow. I am 7’ 10”.”
OBAMA AUNTY ASHAMED
Barrack Obama's aunt, Mamie Obama, says she is embarrassed by her nephew's choice of
career.
"He is a crazy man," said the
Kenyan sister of Barrack
Obama Snr, "President of the
United States? What kind of
job is that for a smart black
man? That is a job for a
stupid white man like the
Dubya. Barry should have
aimed high, being a boxer like
Muhammad Ali, or a pop star
like Stevie Wonder. But politics
is no kind of a job for an
ambitious black man. It's all
the fault of that Nelson
Mandolin in South Africa. Him
being Prez in his country has
turned my Barry's head."
A spokesperson for the U.S.
Dept.of Racial Stereotypes
confirmed that Obama had
been offered posts in both
sports and music, as well as a
drug dealer and as a pimp but
had turned them down. "We
deliberately didn't offer him
garbage disposal because he was half white," he added.
"That fool nephew of mine needs to come to his senses," continued Mamie, "If he was so set on
being a Prez, why didn't he pick something more in keeping with his heritage. He could of been
President of a gospel choir or war chief of a Bantu tribe. That's a job comes with goat
privileges. And many meaty wives, not like that scrawny Michelle who aint never ate mealie."
 
 
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