Amock Comedy Compendium
SHARON: Sorry if I’m talking quietly, but we’re not
supposed to use the company’s
phones for private business.
JULIE: Hey you, careful you don’t get the
sack, you’ve only just started that job.
SHARON: But this isn’t private business, it’s
JULIE: You mean it’s a pleasure to talk to me,
that’s real sweet.
SHARON: You’re my best pal, Jules, of course
it’s a pleasure.
JULIE: So, who is it you’re working for?
SHARON: Frobisher & Crutch, they make ball
bearings. But Mr Crutch died when he
fell into a finishing machine. Certainly
did it’s job, finished him off. There’s a
plaque in his memory in the foyer.
JULIE: Plaque? Yuch, that’s the stuff on your
SHARON: No, this is a different one. It says, ‘In
memory of Reginald Crutch, who gave
his life for ball bearings’.
JULIE: So, how’s the job anyway?
SHARON: It’s alright. My boss is like that teacher
we used to have, always adjusting his
pants. His name’s Mr Scrutton and you
can imagine what I call him.
SHARON: Julie! Anyway, he’s got a 36” inside leg.
JULIE: How do you know that?
SHARON: He told me. He’s real proud of it. It’s
his major claim to fame, the big skinny
ratbag, fiddling with his pants.
JULIE: Sounds like a pervo.
SHARON: No, he’s too old for that, he must be
over 40. Mind you, his screensaver’s
a supermodel in a bikini.
JULIE: My mom says they never get too old,
it’s in their genes.
SHARON: He doesn’t wear jeans, least not to
work, just an old suit that’s seen
better days. You’d think his wife
would at least get it dry-cleaned now
JULIE: Oh, he’s got a wife? They’re the
SHARON: She came round to the office last
week, tiny slip of a woman. He was
all over her like a rash, calling her ‘my
darling’ and kissing her hand.
JULIE: I can’t stand men like that, creeps.
SHARON: He reckons it’s romantic. Said, ‘You’ll
note, Miss Murphy, that the spirit of
romance still exists between my wife
and I, even though we’ve been
married for over 15 years.’ Then he
adjusted his pants again.
JULIE: Any good looking guys?
SHARON: Haven’t met anybody super-
smashing yet, but there’s a few I
wouldn’t mid getting into the
JULIE: That’s my Sharon! The men of the
world have no chance when Julie and
Sharon are on the rampage.
SHARON: Help, here comes Scrotum, I’ll need
to go. See you later, pal.
JULIE: I’ll text you when I get home, just to
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