Amock Comedy Compendium

FROST: Hello, good evening and welcome and thank you for
allowing us your time, Herr Chancellor.
HITLER: You are velcome, you English schwein.
FROST: Now, what I'd like to talk to you about this evening is your
relationship with your niece, Geli. The so-called Geligate.
HITLER: It is all lies. I am innocent. I have an alibi, and also I vas
not there, not even slightly.
FROST: Well, if we could just get the facts straight. Is it true you had
a relationship with your niece, Angela Raubal?
HITLER: Of course we had a relationship, you dumpkopf, I vos her
FROST: An unhealthy relationship?
HITLER: Mein healthy is fine.
FROST: And yet we have drawings, made by you, of your niece which may lead to conjecture..
HITLER: Forgeries! Geli had a very pimply bottom und in these drawings there is no pimplies.
FROST: And you had nothing to do with Geli's death.
HITLER: It was suicide! And an accident! The police report said so. Ze German police do not make ze
mistakes. Not unless they are ordered to. Ve Germans always obey orders.
FROST: And her death did not affect you and turn you into a murderous dictator with a lust for world
HITLER: Nein, nein. Zis I always had. It vos one of my most attractive features. Zat und mein moustache.
FROST: Let me put it to you bluntly, did you do the naughty with your niece, Geli Raubal?
HITLER: Categorically I can say, nein. Not in ze vay you are thinking ze sexy.
FROST: So the rumours of your peculiar sexual practices are true?
HITLER: Peculiar? Not vere I come from, Frostie baby.
FROST: Did you force her to perform these unnatural acts?
HITLER: She needed guidance. Vot vas I to do?
FROST: And that did not break your moral code, if you had one?
HITLER: Of course I have a moral code. I bought it in a shop. It is good quality. Made in Germany.
FROST: And it was not your pistol that Geli shot herself with?
HITLER: I can not be held responsible for zis. I had a very unhappy childhood.
FROST: Has this affected your relationship with women in general?
HITLER: Nein, I am not interested in vomen. Or in men either! That incident mit Goebels was an accident
and I didn’t mean to bite..
FROST: Thank you, Herr Chancellor, you have confirmed your insanity satisfactorily.
HITLER: My pleasure, you schwein. Heil, me!