Amock Comedy Compendium
TIGER TURNS VEGETARIAN
Raju, the Bengal tiger at Chicago Zoo has stopped eating meat and says he will only eat vegetables
from now on.
"It shows my concern for my
fellow life forms," Raju said, while
nibbling on a Brussels sprout.
"I suppose you could call me a
new-age tiger. It's important
that we maintain the ecology of
the planet and meat rearing is
very wasteful of our resources.
Vegetables are much more
eco-friendly, though they are
playing havoc with my
carnivore gut. But honestly, the
only think I really miss is the thrill of the chase, because that's an inborn instinct with us cats.
No more deer or wild pig for me, I'm afraid, and stalking a turnip just isn't the same."
WIFE KISSES HUSBAND
Residents of Otago Place in the Vermont suburb of Lyon were shocked to
see Mrs Ann Frisson kiss her husband in public yesterday.
"She normally doesn't have a good word to say about him," said neighbour
Brigitte Petain. "She called him a scum-sucking halfwit last week."
Mr Gregor Frisson won the Euromillions Lottery last week.
THE PERILS OF OLDER WOMEN
Advice for the younger man by Norman Celibate.
You know how it is. If it's not your best friend's mom it's your mom's best fried. Older
women, they're only after one thing. And it's your duty, as a nice young man, to make sure
that they don't get it. It is their husband's duty to perform the function that they require of
you and you should feel under no obligation to satisfy their sordid needs.
They will try many ploys to get you into their clutches, but the smart guy will be wise to their
evil ways and avoid these traps. Some of their strategies include asking you to mow their
lawn. This is particularly dangerous in warm weather as it may require you to remove your
shirt. On no account should you remove any item of your clothing when within 100 yards of
an older woman as this tends to drive them into a frenzy. Another ploy is to invite you into
their house with the offer of refreshment. A beer may sound inviting, but your reputation is
worth much more. Avoid also any chore which may require you to go upstairs in an older
woman's house. While on the ground floor you have the safety of being observed through