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A Family Man

MAUD. Put me ten bob on, Topping. I want all the money I can get, just now.
TOPPING. You're not the first, Miss.
MAUD. I say, Topping, do you know anything about the film?
TOPPING. [Nodding] Rather a specialty of mine, Miss.
MAUD. Well, just stand there, and give me your opinion of this.
[TOPPING moves down Left. She crouches over the typewriter, lets her
hands play on the keys; stops; assumes that listening, furtive look; listens again,
and lets her head go slowly round, preceded by her eyes; breaks it off, and says:]
What should you say I was?
TOPPING. Guilty, Miss.
MAUD. [With triumph] There! Then you think I've got it?
TOPPING. Well, of course, I couldn't say just what sort of a crime you'd
committed, but I should think pretty 'ot stuff.
MAUD. Yes; I've got them here. [She pats her chest].
TOPPING. Really, Miss.
MAUD. Yes. There's just one point, Topping; it's psychological.
TOPPING. Indeed, Miss?
MAUD. Should I naturally put my hand on them; or would there be a reaction
quick enough to stop me? You see, I'm alone--and the point is whether the fear
of being seen would stop me although I knew I couldn't be seen. It's rather
subtle.
TOPPING. I think there's be a rehaction, Miss.
MAUD. So do I. To touch them [She clasps her chest] is a bit obvious, isn't it?
TOPPING. If the haudience knows you've got 'em there.
MAUD. Oh! yes, it's seen me put them. Look here, I'll show you that too.
[She opens an imaginary drawer, takes out some bits of sealing-wax, and with
every circumstance of stealth in face and hands, conceals them in her bosom.]
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