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A Double Dose of Driving Dogs

“–bungee ropes,” finished Horace, an instant before the Sprinter hit the bollards.
The black cat leapt clear just in time.
There was an almighty smash like a thousand greenhouse windows breaking: and
the gasp of a hundred horrified cats.
“Oh, YES!” Boo turned a cartwheel. “What a bang! What a crash! What a
But Justine clambered to her feet.
“You’re all under arrest!” she thundered. Dogs and cats alike cowered at the force
of her fury. “You’re under arrest for speeding and smashing and everything else!”
“Hang on,” mewed Pibbles, sprawled on the tarmac. “I wasn’t speeding. I
stopped! Someone and their elastic stopped me!”
“You were speeding backwards,” bellowed Justine.
Kimi slid out from the shadows. “Ahem,” she said.
Justine leapt back like a kangaroo. “Deadly snake! Deadly snake!”
“Only to mice,” said Kimi. “I’m so sorry I accidentally struck out at you the other
day, Inspector. I thought you were one of those nasty cats. I wouldn’t dream of
threatening an officer of the law.”
You’re under arrest too!”
“Excuse me, Inspector,” said Kimi silkily. “But Horace wasn’t speeding. You saw
him. He can’t have doing more than twelve miles an hour.”
“I was going faster than–” began Horace, before Tickety jumped on his nose.
Justine frowned. “Maybe he wasn’t speeding. But he was driving carelessly!”
“No, he wasn’t,” said Kimi. “He didn’t crash. It was Pibbles who crashed.”
“He was driving without a licence!”
“You don’t need a licence for a lawnmower.”
Justine glared at her. “A stolen lawnmower!”
“It belongs to me,” piped up Ragbag. “I lent it to him.”
“I think you’ll find that under Paragraph 34, sub-section 2A of the Road Traffic
Act of 1988, Horace has done absolutely nothing wrong,” said Kimi. “But of course
you’ll know that.”
Justine clenched her jaws. She looked as if she badly wanted to bite something.
Then she whirled round and snapped at the cats. “You lot! Don’t tell me those are
your cars. You’re all under arrest for speeding, theft and criminal damage!”
She began to line the cowering cats up against the wall to take their names.