7 Ways to Live Life to the MAX
She was stripped of more than her military and industrial might. She lost her dignity and was humiliated in the eyes of the world.
President Wilson of the USA believed that the total aim of the peace treaty should be to prevent war from ever happening again. These conditions provided the environment and became the motivation for Hitler’s ascent to power.
Germany would attempt to redeem herself through war.
Compromise - Let Us Meet In The Middle
A positive way to resolve conflict is to compromise. Conflict indicates that both people believe they are in the right and, therefore, they resist the other person’s conclusions.
To compromise means that you do not necessarily agree with another person’s conclusions. In fact you may agree to disagree, however, you are amicable in your approach and each party decides to meet in the middle. Each party agrees to give, which may mean a change of position. This approach seems to promote some forum to resolve the conflict. For a deal to work there must be something in it for both people.
Compromise provides benefits for all concerned. It can be a win/win situation.
Collaboration - Doing it Together
Undoubtedly the most positive way to resolve conflict is collaboration.
Collaboration is a way where both parties find a way to do it together. In this process conflict is resolved because the method used is non-adversarial. Both parties are prepared to cooperate and work together to solve the problem.
The importance of the relationship is considered to be bigger than those in the relationship; for example, the institution of marriage is bigger than the marriage.
Therefore you work to make the institution successful. Through collaboration, conflict ends in a way that satisfies all. Future stability is guaranteed. The Civil War is an example of this.
Copyright © Dennis R Curyer, 2003
Page 165 of 239
7 Ways to Live Life to the MAX
Civil War Surrender
April 9th, 1865 saw the end of the American Civil War. It was Polybius who said, “Those who know how to win are more numerous than those who know how to make proper use of their victories.”
Ulysses S. Grant knew how to make proper use of his victory. With the ending of the Civil War the north and the south had to collaborate if peace was to be promoted and maintained.
The war that had cost six hundred and twenty thousand lives. This was the highest toll of any war in American History. In one battle alone Grant had lost seven thousand men.
The final days saw General Robert E. Lee and his tired and hungry men surrounded by five times the number of Union soldiers. Lee had no choice but to surrender the army of Northern Virginia, thus effectively bringing to an end the most horrible war in American history.
Pres. Lee surrendered to Pres. Grant at the Appomattox Courthouse. The terms of surrender were signed in the parlour of a local farmhouse. Grant made what I consider to be a very important concession to Lee. He allowed him to retain his sword. This was a mark of Grant’s greatness, a symbolic action to allow Lee to retain his honour and dignity. Lee was defeated but Grant was gracious in victory.
It was now a time for collaboration and reconciliation. He ruled out the taking of prisoners or trials for treason. Officers were allowed to retain their side-arms.
Officers and their soldiers could go home retaining possession of their horses.
They had to sign an agreement that they would close their hostilities.
In a final act of reconciliation Grant stopped his men from firing their guns in celebration of their victory. He preferred not to exalt or gloat in the defeat of a courageous foe.
The great lesson we learn from Grant is to allow our foe to retain their swords at the time of defeat. You must do everything possible to allow them to retain their honour and dignity. It is not a time for, “I told you so!” Gloating reveals a small
Copyright © Dennis R Curyer, 2003
Page 166 of 239
7 Ways to Live Life to the MAX
mind. Painting people into a corner does not promote genuine peace. It cannot produce enduring relationships.
Martin Luther King Jr taught, “We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.”
Chapter Summary
Major points to think about
What is the unfinished business in my life?
How will closure restore my equilibrium?
How will I go forward by turning back?
What is it that makes me angry, and what am I going to do to change it?
How do I solve conflict and is there a better way?
Suggested points to act upon
I will make a list of the unfinished business in my life. I will then act upon the list bringing closure to all the entries.
I will start by forgiving self, then seeking out those I have injured. I will offer apologies for my behavior.
After examining the direction I am heading in, if my destination does not look favourable then I will turn around.
Circumspection will be applied in all of my decision-making, knowing that prevention is better than cure.
I will reread the section in this book on tips to reduce anger and apply each tip.
When attempting to resolve any future conflicts I will aim for collaboration to produce a win/win situation.
I will eliminate the use of force from my life, be it physical, mental, or emotional.
Copyright © Dennis R Curyer, 2003
Page 167 of 239
7 Ways to Live Life to the MAX
MY NOTES
___________________________________________
Copyright © Dennis R Curyer, 2003
Page 168 of 239
7 Ways to Live Life to the MAX
7. Maxers Give and Know That Giving
Is the Measure of Greatness
To Get by Giving and to Lose by Keeping
he measure of your greatness is in what you give, not in what you receive.
In all the great religions and philosophies of the world there is the Tteaching of giving.
Islam is based on five pillars. One of these pillars is the giving of a small percentage of one’s income to help the poor. This offering is called Zakah.
Christianity has a similar teaching called charity. Of this teaching it is said:
“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels and have not charity, I am become (as) sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
And though I have (the gift of) prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.”
Judaism uses the Hebrew word ‘Tzedakah’. Giving to the poor and needy is an obligation and a duty that cannot be ignored, even by those who are in need themselves. Some sages have said, “The act of giving is the highest of all commandments”.
We are all rich in the things that money cannot buy. No one would doubt we all have been given much. There may be a question as to who the giver was.
However, we are all happy to receive. Even the poorest have received an abundance.
Copyright © Dennis R Curyer, 2003
Page 169 of 239
7 Ways to Live Life to the MAX
Our Greatest Gifts
Our own body and faculties are gifts that have been given to us. We did not create them.
Our five faculties have a remarkable capacity to discriminate. To lose the use of any one would disable us.
The fact that a candle flame can be seen at thirty miles on a dark clear night illustrates the amazing capacity of our vision.
Under quiet conditions at twenty feet, we hear the ticking of a watch.
Our taste buds will detect one teaspoon of sugar in two gallons of water.
If one drop of perfume is diffused into a three-room apartment we can smell it.
We will feel the wing of a bee falling on our cheek.
The ability to see, hear, taste, smell, and touch are gifts that cannot be measured in dollars. Each breath of air, each ray of sunshine, each drop of rain is a gift freely given to all humanity.
Gifts that cannot be purchased are the most valuable of all gifts.
Chief Seattle
Chief Seattle understood the richness of gifts that cannot be purchased with money. He said it this way:
“The President in Washington sends word that he wishes to buy our land. But how can you buy or sell the sky? The land? The idea is strange to us. If we do not own the freshness of the air and the sparkle of the water, how can you buy them?
Every part of this earth is sacred to my people. Every shining pine needle, every sandy shore, every mist in the dark woods, every meadow, every humming insect. All are holy in the memory and experience of my people.
Copyright © Dennis R Curyer, 2003
Page 170 of 239
7 Ways to Live Life to the MAX
We know the sap which courses through the trees as we know the blood that courses through our veins. We are part of the earth and it is part of us. The perfumed flowers are our sisters. The bear, the deer, the great eagle, these are our brothers. The rocky crests, the dew in the meadow, the body heat of the pony, and man all belong to the same family.
The shining water that moves in the streams and rivers is not just water, but the blood of our ancestors.
If we sell you our land, you must remember that it is sacred. Each glossy reflection in the clear waters of the lakes tells of events and memories in the life of my people. The water’s murmur is the voice of my father’s father. The rivers are our brothers. They quench our thirst. They carry our canoes and feed our children. So you must give the rivers the kindness that you would give any brother.
If we sell you our land, remember that the air is precious to us, that the air shares its spirit with all the life that it supports. The wind that gave our grandfather his first breath also receives his last sigh. The wind also gives our children the spirit of life.
So if we sell our land, you must keep it apart and sacred, as a place where man can go to taste the wind that is sweetened by the meadow flowers.
Will you teach your children what we have taught our children? That the earth is our mother? What befalls the earth befalls all the sons of the earth.
This we know: the earth does not belong to man, man belongs to the earth. All things are connected like the blood that unites us all. Man did not weave the web of life; he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.
One thing we know: our God is also your God. The earth is precious to him and to harm the earth is to heap contempt on its creator.
Your destiny is a mystery to us. What will happen when the buffalo are all slaughtered? The wild horses tamed? What will happen when the secret corners of the forest are heavy with the scent of many men and the view of the ripe hills is blotted by talking wires? Where will the thicket be? Gone! Where will the
Copyright © Dennis R Curyer, 2003
Page 171 of 239
7 Ways to Live Life to the MAX
eagle be? Gone! And what is it to say goodbye to the swift pony and the hunt?
The end of living and the beginning of survival.
When the last Red Man has vanished with this wilderness, and his memory is only the shadow of a cloud moving across the prairie, will these shores and forests still be here? Will there be any of the spirit of my people left?
We love this earth as a newborn loves its mother’s heartbeat. So, if we sell you our land, love it as we have loved it. Care for it, as we have cared for it. Hold in your mind the memory of the land, as it is when you receive it. Preserve the land for all children, and love it, as God loves us.
As we are part of the land, you too are part of the land. This earth is precious to us. It is also precious to you. One thing we know there is only one God. No man be he Red Man or White Man can be apart. We are brothers after all.”
This piece of literature contains many inspiring thoughts about our relationship to the gifts that have been given to us and how we should use them. If this earth is a living organism, as the Native Americans and others believe, then she has given to us of her abundance.
In return we have used and abused her. We have returned evil for good. Does it not sound reasonable that, with everything that has been given to us, we should give in return?
People’s greatness can be measured by what they give, not what they have.
Those who take all and never give have missed one of the great principles of living.
Time to Give
There will be times in your life when you will be in a position to give. Do not miss the opportunity. There will be other times you will need to receive. At that time thankfully receive.
I have been in both positions and I think it is generally easier to give than to receive. Pride is what can stop us from giving and receiving. Some people find it very hard to receive because they have never given or only given little.
Copyright © Dennis R Curyer, 2003
Page 172 of 239
7 Ways to Live Life to the MAX
Give while you are able, while you are alive. Do not let someone else give away your possessions when you are gone. In most cases our families need their inheritance years before they receive it.
The epitaph placed upon the tomb of Edward (The Good) read, ‘What we gave we have. What we spent we had. What we left we lost’.
The opportunities to give are vast. This is because there are always more receivers than givers, more consumers than producers, more people who need help than those available to give help.
What Should We Give?
We should give what is needed. Generally giving is divided into two areas. We can give of our material possessions or we can give of our time, energy, knowledge, experience, vision, and wisdom. These gifts are generally of far greater value than material possessions.
The poet Kahlil Gibran penned it this way:
“Then said a rich man, speak to us of giving and he answered: You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.
For what are your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?
And tomorrow, what shall tomorrow bring to the over prudent dog burying bones in the trackless sand as he follows the pilgrims to the holy city?
And what is fear of need but need itself?
Is not dread of thirst when your well is full, the thirst that is unquenchable?
There are those who give little of the much which they have and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.
And there are those who have little and give it all.
Copyright © Dennis R Curyer, 2003
Page 173 of 239
7 Ways to Live Life to the MAX
These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.
There are those who give with joy, and their joy is their reward.
And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.
And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue: they give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.
Through the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes he smiles upon the earth.
It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding: and to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving.
And is there ought you would withhold?
All you have shall some day be given: therefore give now, that the season of Giving may be yours and not your inheritors’.
You often say, ‘I would give, but only to the deserving’.
The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture.
They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.
Surely he, who is worthy to receive his days and nights, is worthy of all else from you.
And he who has deserved to drink from the ocean of life deserves to fill his cup from your little stream.
And what desert greater shall there be, than that, which lays in the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of receiving?
And who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil their pride, that you may see their worth naked and their pride unabashed?
Copyright © Dennis R Curyer, 2003
Page 174 of 239
7 Ways to Live Life to the MAX
See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving.
For in truth it is life that gives unto life while you, who deem yourself a giver are but a witness.
And you receivers - and you are all receivers - assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon he who gives.
Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on wings: for to be over mindful of your debt, is to doubt his generosity who has the free-hearted earth for mother, and God for father.”
A Gift of Value
A Zen story tells about a rich man who wanted to leave a gift for his family long after he was gone. He asked his master to write something about prosperity. This would be something that the family would value for generations.
The master wrote, “The father dies, the son dies, the grandson dies”. The rich man, expecting great pearls of financial wisdom, became angry when he read the message and exclaimed, “I expected you to write something that could bring happiness and prosperity to my family, and this is all you give me”.
The master answered, “If your son dies before you, this would bring indescribable grief to your family. If your grandson dies before your son this would also bring unbearable pain. If your family, generation after generation, die in the order as I have written, it will be the natural course of life. This is real joy and prosperity”.
The rich man had missed one of the great lessons of life, that real wealth and prosperity come with the natural unfolding of life. Many times we are too interested in trying to manipulate life, to take it where it does not want to go. The greatest prosperity we can experience in life is life itself. Prosperity is about the simple things of life. It is these things that can give us the greatest happiness.
Copyright © Dennis R Curyer, 2003
Page 175 of 239
7 Ways to Live Life to the MAX
We Are All Colonisers and Pioneers
We have all arrived on this earth in the same manner but not at the same place or time. Those who arrive first are expected to prepare the way for those who follow.
One of the great migrations of the 18th century was that of the Mormons.
Brigham Young, a modern-day Moses, led a large group of people from the city of Nauvoo, Illinois and crossed the United States to the hostile territory of what was then Mexico. There, in the desert, they built Salt Lake City.
The reason why this migration was successful was that those who went before prepared the way for those who followed. Maps were made; distances measured; crops were planted so that those who followed would have available food; camps were established as stopover points.
What is important about this story is that it highlights the need, obligation, duty, and privilege it is to prepare the way for those following behind. Nelson Henderson said, “The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit.”
Albert Einstein wrote:
“A hundred times a day I remind myself that my inner and outer lives are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.”
Our lives are a continuation of what our parents and others have prepared for us.
One civilization builds on top of another. In ancient cities around the world, one notices how each civilisation uses the building stones of the previous civilizations, for example, in Baalbeck, Lebanon the Arabs used the blocks and columns of the Romans. The Romans used the building materials of the Phoenicians, etc.
This is a common practice. The value of this idea should not be underestimated.
As a forerunner you have the opportunity to become someone’s teacher, guide, or mentor. This is a calling of importance and honour. Stephen Covey wrote “To touch the soul of another human being is to walk on holy ground.”
Copyright © Dennis R Curyer, 2003
Page 176 of 239
7 Ways to Live Life to the MAX
Your reward, if one is required, is to see the growth and development of another human being. Long after you are gone your words will be a memorial to those lives you influenced. They will build their lives on the building blocks you left behind. Think of the great contribution made by others who have influenced the way we live. Do not underestimate the influence you can have on another’s life.
Again from the pen of Einstein we read:
“Bear in mind that the wonderful things you learn in your schools are the work of many generations. All this is put in your hands as your inheritance in order that you may receive it, honour it, add to it, and one day faithfully hand it on to your children.”
A Chinese Proverb says, “If you want happiness for a lifetime, help the next generation.”
An Ordinary Life
My twin grand children recently brought home a letter from school. In the letter a teacher was expressing her feelings about her husband’s recent death. She noted:
“On Boxing Day, my beloved husband of twenty-seven years passed away, after his year long struggle with cancer. He died peacefully at home, after seeing all of his family and many friends during those last months.
Many of you may have passed him as he surveyed the roads and features of the Shire of Yarra Ranges over the last twenty-six years.
His death makes me reflect on several aspects. Never underestimate the number of people that you can influence in your life. Our church was filled with people wanting to pay their last respects to an ordinary man, who touched so many through his working life, scouting, the SES, his other interests or his family.
Try to record your story, even if you don’t think it is worth much. Upon Brian’s death we lost all those life stories that mean so much to others. Spend time with your loved ones and thank God for all the time that he gives you together, but don’t neglect your needs in the process. Accept all the help that others are so willing to give. Keep your faith in God, whatever his decisions.
Copyright © Dennis R Curyer, 2003 <